The Board Walk

One of the well-organized boards that my group discussed

I have written about standard-based bulletin boards often at this site.  Over the summer I was most distressed when our Union negotiated that schools would no longer be required to do standard-based bulletin boards as a step toward paper-reduction.  I am thankful that as the year began our school's Shared Decision Making group voted to continue with the bulletin boards.  I have always thought that the boards are such a great opportunity for self-reflection, for looking at alignment and a way for teachers to look at student work, really reflecting on what the students did and how they did it.  It is a window into the instruction that is going on in the classroom.  How appropriate that our school would vote to continue a practice that is time-consuming but that they see value.

To honor that work and time they put into SBBB, teachers have often reflected that if they are going to put the work into the boards, they would like to know that someone is reading them and they would like some constructive feedback.  So... at Early Release this week, we did just that.  Our faculty went on a "board walk."  Teachers were assigned to a group of three and were given a list of three boards to visit in a certain order so groups were not on top of each other.  One teacher was assigned to capture the conversation on a chart that asked for comments/compliments, wonderings, and next steps.

As I joined my group (which was all teachers teaching different grade levels) I overheard several teachers in other groups wondering how their boards would be received by the group that was reviewing it. Hmmmm...  As we approached each board we looked for a title, standard, a description of the task, 3-4 pieces of student work and commentary on the student work.  Of course, many of the boards had extras such as pictures of the students whose work was displayed, photos of other students in the classroom involved in the same work, artwork in borders and surrounding the boards, rubrics, etc.

One of the things that hit me immediately is how a well organized board is so much easier to read and understand.  Seems obvious, I guess, but sometimes it was hard to see which commentary went with which piece of student work or it was hard to understand the task because the teacher included so much that it was hard to really focus on the point of the board.  I also noticed that the format of the commentary made a difference too.  Bulleted commentary was especially easy to read or commentary that was in a t-chart format with the standard on the left and an explanation of how the student's work met the standard on the right.  This walk certainly gave me a unique view of the boards and set me thinking about how to design a really significant board.

The charts of collegial feedback that we filled out went to the Principal to review.  The names of the teachers that reviewed the board were not included.  The paper will go to the teachers who completed the boards.  Wonder how the feedback will be received...

This was really a very stress-free and constructive way to look deeper into bulletin boards that teach. I hope that we will do this again, maybe with different group configurations such as looking at the grade above with your grade level or looking at one board in each grade level, k-1-2-3-4-5 all in the same subject.  Or maybe the Academic Councils could choose some of the best boards in the building and have the teacher stand with the board and explain her thinking to groups of colleagues...  Oh, the possibilities are endless!

A New Year Begins - 2015!

The circus is in town! This is just a sampling of the "big top" atmosphere as you walk through the downstairs hall. Free admission to all who dare to dream. It really is the greatest show on earth!

 

Each year Chets Creek transforms itself yet again into something new and exciting!  Teachers work so hard to make the outside and inside of their rooms inviting.  They wouldn't have to go to so much trouble.  Many of them come in during the summer and lots of them work the entire week before teachers return.  It would be much easier to just spruce up last year's décor a little and bounce in the week that you are actually paid to be there.  So why do teachers do it?  I think they do it because they care so much.  At Chets Creek, it's really not a competitive thing.  It's more like you are lifting up each other and the new décor just says, this group of children is so special.  I love what I am doing and I want the children to be as excited as I am.  Whatever the reasons, it really does put a smile on your face as you walk down the hall!

SBBB... or not?

Recently our Union bargained for a "paperwork reduction."  A long list of things was eliminated and a few were replaced by new, more concise forms.  However, some things that had become a part of our school culture were on the list of things that schools could no longer require of teachers.  In order to continue to require anything on the reduction list, a school had to come to consensus through the shared decision making group.  So... even though something was not required by the district, it was possible for a school to continue with a certain form or practice if the teachers decided that it was worthwhile.  So... we began the very tedious process of going through the list and deciding what things we wanted to keep and what things could go.  It was a good, although sometimes difficult, conversation.  What is it that we, as teachers, feel is non -negotiable at our school?

About twelve years ago we were taught to do a new type of bulletin board, called a Standard-based bulletin board, SBBB.  That meant that instead of doing my traditional killer bulletin board at Thanksgiving with my turkey made out of neckties or instead of doing my adorable hippo with a tulle skirt and pink silk toe shoes entitled "Dancing into...", I was to concentrate instead on student work!  Cute "foo-foo" was out and rigor was in.  We were taught to use somewhat of a formula.

SBBB  = 

a title +  description of  task + standard(s) + 4 pieces of student work with commentary 

There were always variations on the formula. Teachers were taught to think and to showcase what made sense to explain the work on a board.  Sometimes you could really only fit three pieces of work with the commentary, because the board simply wasn't large enough.  Sometimes the commentary was by the teacher, sometimes by a peer and sometimes by the student.  The board might also include a rubric or other artifact.  Teachers were free to take that basic formula and stretch and create a board that was a "window into their instruction."  

This certainly is not an easier board to create and I think, in the beginning, a teacher really labors, especially over the commentary, because basically you have to really understand what you are teaching and the work that students do.  And you have to be able to explain it.  In other words, we were asking teachers to do the same type of work we were asking the students to do - to explain their thinking!  There are times when I hated those boards, because it seemed like I was always the one still there at 6:00 trying to get mine just right, but there is no question that doing the boards created a layer of depth of understanding that I got nowhere else. I really spent time looking at the standard, taking it apart, seeing if my instruction was really aligned with the standard and the student work, and explaining my thinking and the student's thinking.  And then of course, it took time to display the work in a way that made other people look twice and want to read it.

As the years have passed we have made it easier for teachers.  Instead of putting up a board every month, now we only ask for five boards a year and we give a 2-4 week "window" for getting the board up, so that a teacher can put a board up in her own time.  We have tried to use the boards for teaching by doing "board walks" during teacher meetings.  We actually walk from board to board so that each teacher has a chance to actually explain her thinking to other teachers. We have looked at the boards in the grade level ahead to help us see where our students are going.  We want teachers to ask questions of each other and learn through the collaboration.  We have tried to honor teachers who really  do extraordinary things by giving a "Board of the Month Award" or by mentioning exceptional work in the Weekly Memorandum from the Principal.  We also take pictures of the children who have their work featured and add them to our weekly Newsletters and blogs.  If a teacher takes the time to really work on her board, she wants to know that someone is reading it!

So. as we come to the question, as a group of teachers, of continuing to do this type of board or not, we really have to think through how important the boards are to us.  Is it just a compliance piece that we are made to do that has no value?  Or is it something that we believe represents who we are individually and as a school and what we want for our students?  Do we see it as a window into the instruction in our classrooms?  This was easy for me because I know how much I have learned from writing commentary and from reading commentary by other teachers, but will the entire school be willing to take the road less traveled? Many schools had already abandoned the boards long before the Union got involved. In this time of paperwork overload, will our take the more difficult path, just for the sake of learning and sharing?  The conversation has just begun and the verdict is still out.  The conversation continues... 

NOTE:  At the beginning of the 2015-16 school year the Chets Creek PIC (our shared decision making group) came to consensus and decided to continue with standard-based bulletin boards in their current form. 

Work-Over-Time 2015

This year our final bulletin board features a first grade student's writing.  We have had Adrian for two years and have watched him grow as a student, as a reader and writer, as a mathematician and also as a Scientist.  He is the total package! When I think of him in those first early days of kindergarten and then think of the strong young man he is today, I am just bursting with pride.  We titled this board from a Wizard of Oz quote, "You are capable of more than you think"  and added a beautiful background mural from a scene in the movie with work contributed by all of our first graders.

Adrian's first piece on this bulletin board is from the first day of Kindergarten when he was able to draw a picture with "amoeba" people (circles with arms and legs), tell us a story orally, and write his name.

Adrian entered kindergarten with a strong background, already recognizing letters and sounds and a few sight words.  He had been nurtured in the early years by a strong nuclear family where reading and writing were reinforced.  He was an eager learner.  It wasn't long before Adrian's writing took off. 

The board  has several more pieces including later kindergarten and early first grade writing.  The final piece is a realistic fiction piece, completed a few weeks ago, that is part of a series that he is writing about Dan, the sports guy.  Below is the piece and translation.

 One day there was a boy named Dan and he likes to play soccer.  He has a soccer game.  Dan said to his mother, "What happens if I don't make a goal?"  Mom said, "It will be fine. OK?"

Then it was time for the soccer game.  It started.  Dan had the ball first and he ran as fast as he could.  Then... he made it go so high it was almost higher than a humongous giant.  Then... it made it in the goal.

"That was amazing," said Dan.  "One to zero!" shouted one of his team mates.  Then BOOM!! "Aaaaaa!" said Dan.  He twisted his ankle so he had to stay out.  It was half time.  Dan was still hurt.

Then the other team scored. "One to one," shouted a player.  Then Dan believed he could do it with the twisted ankle, so he went out on the field.  He had a plan...  He kicked it

with his other foot and the last second he made a goal!!!!!!  Then everybody was amazed by him.  He was the extraordinary guy on his team so every game he plays, he believes that he wins!!!

Quite a transformation from an "amoeba" family to a complete story with dialogue, a beginning, middle and end, strong vocabulary, pictures with speech bubbles, and even craft! Adrian is so good at so many things, but I wouldn't be surprised if one day I am asking him for his autograph on his first published book!

Follow the Bend in the Road

As we decided on our first standards-based bulletin board for the year, our Reading Coach, Melanie Holtsman, challenged us to take the lessons that we were teaching in Lucy Calkins' New Units of Study and to demonstrate the students' work as a result of some of the lessons.  It was an idea we had never presented before on a bulletin board so, of course, the challenge was interesting.  I'm always up for a challenge! Normally we like to take a finished genre of writing and show all the ways that a student has used what they have learned but on this board Melanie wanted us to look at student work after each lesson. We decided to accept the challenge with our bulletin board tied to our Wizard of Oz theme, Follow the Bend in the Road.

This was the "task" and standard.

Task

This year First Grade has embraced the new Writing Units of Study written by the Reading and Writing Project at Teachers College under the direction of Lucy Calkins.  We are teaching this “Small Moments” Narrative unit for the first time.

As we opened our first days of Writing Workshop we reminded students of all that they loved about writing in Kindergarten and we welcomed them into a new year’s writing as authors.  We talked about their writing “muscles” and all the books that they were going to write!  We established the rituals and routines of the Workshop.

The lessons displayed on this bulletin board only address the first “bend” in the narrative unit.  The “bend” is like the first set of mini-lessons that go together.  The students stopped at this bend and celebrated their writing, before beginning the next leg of the journey.

Standards

LAFS.1.W.1.3
Write narratives in which they recount two or more appropriately sequenced events, include some details regarding what happened, use temporal words to signal event order, and provide some sense of closure. 


We looked at four different lessons.  This is a sample of an Introduction, the student work and the commentary from one of those lessons.

Translation: One time I went to my cousin's. It was my first time catching a lizard's tail. It was moving. My mom was there. I put it in the grass and my sister was there.  I went (back) in the afternoon. Then her lizard got stuck in the bush. Then I held the lizard's tail. Then I went to go wash my hands.

Kindergarten Narrative

Our school purchased the new Lucy Calkins' Writing Units this year, not as an approved district curriculum, but from internal school accounts, because teachers begged for the new material!  We couldn't wait to get our hands on this new work by Teachers' College because we knew it had been vetted in real school in NYC by a group of teachers and coaches who collaboratively wrote the units and then taught them and revised them before they ever made ii to the pages of a manual for other teachers to follow.  The units arrived in the middle of the year, but our kindergarten teachers dived right into one of the new units - narrative.  We have not been disappointed

We've completed the unit.  Now is time for our annual kindergarten work-over-time standard-based bulletin board.  This board usually features a kindergartner's beginning piece and then a piece about mid-year and a final piece, all with commentary.  However, since we just finished this amazing Calkins' unit, I decided to do something a little different in honor of our new learning  I decided that  I would use the baseline and post-prompt pieces in our new narrative unit to show how some of our youngest writers had grown over the 6-8 weeks of this single new unit.  I posted a first day of kindergarten piece, and then the baseline prompt and finally the post prompt for the Narrative unit  for three students.  Below is one student's work..

The Kindergarten Narrative Standard
W.K.3 Use a combination of drawing, dictating, and writing to narrate a single event or several loosely linked events, tell about the events in order in which occurred, and provide a reaction to what happened.

The Task
Using Lucy Calkins’ new Narrative Writing Unit the class spent eight weeks working through every lesson, repeating a few that we felt we might have taught poorly the first time around!  Before beginning the narrative, students were asked to write a story about something that had happened over the Winter holiday (we started this unit the day we returned from Christmas/ Winter break).  They were given one workshop period to complete the project.  That piece was scored using the Reading and Writing Project- Grade K Narrative Rubric.  At the end of the unit the students were asked to write another story and the same rubric again was scored.  Remember that we had not taught the first two new units in the series but did teach the e-unit lessons published earlier by Teachers' College. 

Sawyer's Narrative

Narrative Baseline Prompt

  

Translation: Unreadable
Baseline score = 2.0

Structure	Sawyer’s baseline piece does not meet any of the criteria of this element.  It is written at the pre-kindergarten level or below.
Language Conventions	Sawyer's piece looks like a string of letters and is simply unreadable.  However, if he tried to reread the piece, he has probably put some letters for the words he has tried to write.  You can even find a few sight words (the, Santa, eat). Sawyer probably did not use the word wall as these sight words are all part of his spelling vocabulary, even at this early stage.  If given the chance, Sawyer probably could have read his piece and surely could have described in great details the event he had written about, because he is gifted expressively and quite animated!
Development	Not only does Sawyer's drawing have no detail or labels, the reader  has no idea what it is!

 

Narrative Post Prompt

1.It was my brother’s birthday.  For breakfast I had Dunkin’ Donuts.

2.Next I had a water balloon fight.

3 I played outside.  I was really happy.

Post prompt score = 3.5

Structure	Sawyer’s birthday story has three numbered pages, with a beginning, middle and end.  He has a first page that tells the beginning, It was my brother’s birthday, and has an ending page that tells what happened last, I played outside. The end page also explains how he felt, I was really happy.
Development	Sawyer does label many of the things in his illustration. It is difficult to tell what many of the things are in his drawing but that is probably because he is always in such a hurry and is not interested in illustrations!
Language Conventions	Sawyer starts all of his sentences with capitals and uses the capital I, but he uses punctuation inconsistently.  He spells many sight words correctly and is not afraid of bigger words, such as brekfist for breakfast.  He easily reads his own writing.  There has been a huge improvement in Saweyer's handwriting as he realized that other people had to be able to read his stories.  His use of spaces also makes the work more readable.

 Analysis

In comparing Sawyer’s two pieces, the progress is rather apparent and amazing.  His baseline piece is unreadable.  To go from that to a simple story with a beginning, middle, and end, is dramatic in such a short time. The reader has to be impressed with the sheer progress in readability. The use of spacing and improvement in his handwriting during this short period of time are also striking.  So, it is no surprise that his greatest improvements on the rubric are in Structure and Language Conventions.  Sawyer proudly shared this piece with his peers.  He could barely stay still to read it, he was so excited! Way to go Sawyer! 

Kinder Math Standard-based Bulletin Board

Our kindergarten standard-based Math bulletin board went up this week.  It is based on a Math Investigations lesson called, Six Tiles in All, in which the children had to take six one inch paper tiles and make a  design to share with the class on one inch grid paper so that each tile was touching another tile in some way.

This is the standard.

K.CC.B.4 – Count to tell the number of objects

4. Understand the relationship between numbers and quantities; connect counting to cardinality.

b.  Understand that the last number name said tells the number of objects counted.  The number of objects is the same regardless of their arrangements or the order in which they are counted.

This was the task.

Six Tiles in All asks students to use six one inch tiles to make different arrangements.  Each arrangement has to follow a special rule – each tile has to touch another tile in some way.  The teacher showed several arrangements and also had the students identify non-examples.  Then several students demonstrated their idea of how the six tiles could be arranged.  The students were then challenged to find different arrangements of their own six tiles and to choose one way to record and then share with the class, using paper tiles and one inch grid paper. 

 

On the following day these same paper tile arrangements were used as quick images.  Children were encouraged to explain how they remembered the image to reproduce it.

This task begins to meet the standard by having the students practice different arrangements of a single number, 6.  To meet this element of the standard the students needs to demonstrate their understanding of this same concept with other numbers.  They would also need to count the items in each arrangement, understanding that the last number said is the number of objects.

 

This is the background information.

Six tiles are used for this investigation because six is the number that most kindergartners can count with accuracy.  Because it takes two hands to represent six, students naturally work with two numbers to make combinations of six.  In addition, six is one of the largest amounts that can be mentally visualized and manipulated and instantly recalled.  This is also a number kinders are intimately familiar with because most of them will turn six during the year!

This investigation gets to Piaget’s work with conservation which is a foundational skill in number sense.   Conservation of number is the understanding that the quantity of a given number of objects remains the same regardless of how it is spatially arranged.   Six is six is six. The child that sees six tiles horizontally as six but then has to recount those same tiles when they take another arrangement would be unable to conserve numbers.  But a child that identifies the horizontal as six, and then the same six tiles rearranged to make a rectangle as six, would be able to conserve numbers.  The child that has conservation does not need to recount the same tiles as they take different shapes because he knows that the number stays the same.

 

This investigation also gets at subitizing which is the ability to immediately recognize an arrangement as a single unit.  The ability to see the particular arrangements of indentions on a die and know it is 5 without counting would be an example of subitizing.  This investigation, like dot cards, ten-frames and rekenreks, provide students with the opportunity to practice subitizing.  Quick images help a child practice subitizing and visualizing what the number looks like with different patterns of that same number.  

 

The board contains the work of six different students.  Below is the work and commentary of one.

Eren was especially proud of his arrangement which he said looked like a chess board.  He liked that the “ends” were touching and that it was a design that no one at his table had imagined.

 

Nia thought it looked like a zigzag and Alex recognized the checked pattern when he said it looked like a checker board.  Tommy said it looked like racing and when Sawyer said he couldn’t see racing, Tommy explained that it looked like the racing start line, the checkered flag!  Love the fact that these very young children are beginning to challenge each other in their number talks!

Cross Genre Bulletin Board

This month's bulletin board stands on the shoulders of all the writing that the children have done in Kindergarten and First Grade. This unit encouraged children to write in the genre of their choice.  It began as part of a shared event, our Starry Starry Sleepover, which is where the background paper and title come from.  Students were encouraged to write a small moment about the actual event or that write a report on any of the solar system's planets, stars or sun that we had studies, or write a fiction story about aliens and pretend sleepovers.  One student even wrote a procedural paper on how to draw Star Wars figure!  The possibilities were endless.  When students first choose their own genre, they tend to lose some of the foundational knowledge that they have about the genre, so it was evident early on that they were going to need a rubric to help them through the process and to remind them of the standards and expectation for each genre.  Below is the narrative rubric that they used. After the initial writing, the students were free to choose any topic that they wanted.

Cross Genre – Child’s Choice

Narrative_____________________________

Name ________________

3^rd Nine Weeks, Chets Creek, 2013 

	3	2	1
Opening	Gives time, place or occasion (setting) and introduces the characters	Time, place or occasion is confusing or may be missing; may or may not introduce characters	Does not establish a context or introduce characters
Organization	Develops a story with at least two events	Story is hard to follow	Events are out of order or missing
Information and Detail	Includes details to describe incidents and people; uses dialogue	Includes some detail or may attempt to use dialogue	No detail; no dialogue
Closing	Provides a sense of closure	Closing is unclear	Does not include a closing
Illustrations	Drawings match the topic	Illustrations do not add to the story	Few illustrations are included and are not related to the story
Capitals (edited)	Uses capitals at the beginning of most sentence, uses capitals for proper nouns; capitalizes I	Capitalizes inconsistently even with editing	Capitalizes inconsistently and uses capitals in the middle of some words even with editing
Punctuation (edited)	Uses a variety of punctuations at the end of sentences	Some punctuation but some is missing	Most punctuation is missing even with editing
Spelling (edited)	Spells almost all sight words correctly using the word wall; uses rules when spelling unknown words	Spells  some sight words from the word wall correctly; writes the sounds heard in unknown words	Writing is difficult to read
Spacing	Spaces between words so that piece is easy to read	Spaces are inconsistent	Spacing is so difficult that it makes the piece difficult to read
Revisions	Uses more sophisticated revision strategies such as adding a flap/ spider legs or cutting the paper to add content in the middle of the paper	Uses a caret to add a word	Does not revise

Presented here will be two of the translated narrative pieces with the teacher commentary.

Space Hamsters

by Nicky

One time there were four hamsters.  Their names were Leo, Mark, Jack, and Snacky.  They were special hamsters.

“COOL,” said Leo.  “But what’s that?” said Mark. “That’s a warning light,” said Jack.  “I want a snack,” said Snacky.  “What’s that lever for?” said Snacky.  “Don’t touch that!” said Leo.  But he touched it…

“NO!  We’re not ready to go to Venus!!!” said Leo.  “How do we steer?” said Mark.  “I want a snack!” said Snacky.  “I think I know how to steer?” said Jack.  So he tried and he did it…

And he stepped on the gas pedal and he wasted all the gas!  They screamed, “Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!!!”  “I wanted a snack for this whole trip and now I’m going to die!!! So now, can I have a snack?” said Snacky. “NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!” said the others.  BOOM!!!  “AHAHAHAHA…” “Wait a minute.  I think we’re alive,” said Snacky.  Jack felt a tap, tap, tap and he screamed.  “Ah ah ah ALIEN!”  said Jack.  He jumped into Leo’s hands!  It was another space hamster!

“Oh, hi,” said Jack. “What’s up?” said Leo.  “Hay!” said Mark.  “What’s your name?” said Jack.   “Giovanni.”  “WWWWOOOWWW!! Nice name!” said Jack.  He was sarcastic.  “Where’s your space ship?” said Mark.  “Over there,” said Giovanni.  “Have any gas in it?” said Leo. “Yup!” said Giovanni.  “Yay!” everybody said.  “Let’s get on and go!” said Jack.  “Okay then, let’s go,” said Leo.  So they lifted off!

Space Hamsters

Commentary

Opening	Nicky opens his piece by establishing a context, introducing the time (one time) and the characters (hamsters named Leo, Mark, Jack, and Snacky).  He lets the reader know that these are special hamsters.  He could have helped to orient the reader further by adding the setting so that the reader knows from the beginning that the hamsters are on a space ship.  This becomes more obvious as the story develops.
Organization	Nicky develops a story line with humor (Snacky repeatedly wanting a snack). The story flows from take off to landing on Venus and then meeting an alien hamster.  He develops the problem of being out of gas and a solution of finding gas from the alien so the spaceship can lift off to continue the adventure.
Dialogue and Detail	Nicky does a nice job of moving the story along with dialogue.  All of the hamsters speak at some point to carry the story.  He correctly describes Jack as being sarcastic when he says he likes Giovanni’s name when he doesn’t like the name, which is advanced vocabulary for a first grader.  Nicky often uses onomatopoeia (BOOM!) and uses all caps to let the reader know when words are meant to be really strong and loud. Nicky uses several revision strategies including adding word(s) using carets and actually cutting his paper in half when he wants to fuse an illustration with writing other than the original instead of starting a new sheet.
Closing	The piece has a concluding sentence (So they lifted off!) that provides closure to the story.
Language Use and Conventions	Nicky usually uses basic capitalization and punctuation correctly. He uses a variety of punctuation including an ellipse to build suspense.  He uses slashes (/) instead of commas when he lists the characters’ names but this shows that he knows that it is a list of things that need punctuation.  He attempts to use the punctuation in dialogue correctly and does a nice job, as a first grader, often using the “talking marks” correctly.

Cinderella’s Sleepover

by Addison

Cinderella asked her mom if she could have a sleepover and her mom said yes.  “OK,” said Cinderella.  “Now I need a list of the princesses that are my friends.  I’ll start right now.  I’m going to invite Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Snow White, Belle, Sophie and Anastasia. Mom can we have a sleepover upstairs?” “Yes,” said mom. 

“Mom, can I buy some things for the sleepover?”  “Yes,” said Cinderella’s mom.  “I don’t know what I should buy.  Now I know,” said Cinderella.  “I’m going to buy a chocolate fountain and some Princess beds and some games like puzzles. I’ll buy some chairs so we can play Musical Chairs and I’ll buy some pillows so we can have a pillow fight. Mom, when should we go to sleep?” “I know,” said Mom.  “You should go to sleep when it is midnight.”  “Yay,” said Cinderella.  “Mom?”  “Yes Cinderella?”  “When should the sleepover begin?”  “I know when the sleepover should begin.”  “When?” said Cinderella.  “The sleepover should start right now.”  Yay,” said Cinderella.

I’m going to call my friends now.  “Ring, ring. It’s Cinderella.” “Hi,” said Ariel. “Would you like to come to my sleepover?”  “Yes,” said Ariel.  I’m going to call my other friends now.  Ring, ring, ring, ring.  “Hi,” said Snow White.  “Ring, ring. “Hi,” said Belle.  Ring, ring.  “Hi,” said Sophie.  Ring, ring. “Hi,” said Anastasia.  “Yay, I’m done calling my friends.  Now the sleepover can begin.” 

“Yay.  Friends, time to pillow fight!”  The pillow fight was awesome.

Time for musical chairs. It was very fun.  Ariel said, “I want to do it again.”  Then she started to cry because she wanted to keep on doing it but at the puzzles, she stopped, because it was so much fun.  “Now it’s time to chocolate fountain.”   “Yay,”said Ariel.  “Yay,” said Snow White.  “Yay,” said Sophie.  “Yay,” said Anastasia.  “Yay,” said Belle.  “Yay,” said Sleeping Beauty.

The puzzles were awesome and we got them all right, and now it’s time for chocolate fountain.  The chocolate fountain was yummy.  Actually it was awesome.  Now it’s time to sleep.  They all snuggled in their beds and in the morning they all left.  It was awesome.

Cinderella’s Sleepover

Commentary

Opening	Addison opens her piece by establishing a context.  She introduces the main characters, Cinderella and her mom, and lets the reader know that Cinderella is asking her mom if she can have a sleepover.
Organization	She develops her sleepover story by going through a series of events including who Cinderella is going to invite, buying supplies, calling the Princesses on the telephone, enjoying sleepover fun and then going to sleep
Dialogue and Detail	Addison fills her story with dialogue, especially questions and answers, and lets the talk carry some of the story.  Drawings illustrate and expand the text.   Onomatopoeia is added when Addison uses ring, ring for the telephone.
Closing	Closure is in the sleepover coming to an end as the Princesses snuggled in their beds and then leave in the morning.  Addison also includes a reflective statement, It was awesome.
Language Use and Conventions	Addison has good control of capitals and punctuation.  She uses a variety of punctuation, including trying to punctuate dialogue.  She understands that the “talking marks” are put around the words that the character actually says and she actually tries to figure out where commas and question marks in the middle of the sentence go.  Her piece is easy to read because she spells most sight words correctly and approximates more complex spellings.